Day After Tomorrow...

I am getting more and more scared. I think about the procedure and I almost start having a panic attack.

Oh, it's not the reduction that I am scared about... in fact, I am the most excited about being able to fit into a C cup again. It's just... well, I am a high risk patient and I am afraid I won't make it.

No one seems to understand these fears. Not even my partner. She tels me to cancel when I feel so scared.

But I believe it takes a little courage to change your life. If I don't face my fear, I can't gain anything from it. My boobs aren't going to reduce on their own. the outcome of the surgery will be life changing - changes that can't come otherwise.

I have to face my fears and leave it up to the Universe.

I am happy about a few things. The hospital has open visitng hours - probably because it's a cancer hospital. As long as I am feeling up to it, I can have visitors at 3 am. There is also a fold out bed for my partner to sleep in next to me, which makes me happy. No sleeping on couches.

All of my friends and family are being so supportive... I have a "Phone call Tree" already in place - there are so many people who want to know how I am doing after surgery. It's so sweet of all of them.

I think it will all work out in the end. No, I KNOW it will all work out. But it doesn't stop me from being scared. Maybe this is the first hurdle to overcome to reach my goal. If I don't jump it, I will never know how healthy and happy I could be.